The Porcelain Protocol, by Zac Gruetzner
A Tactical Guide to the World’s Most Unspoken Social Contract
WARNING: YOU MAY BE IN VIOLATION OF PROTOCOL.
Civilization is tested daily. Not in boardrooms or on battlefields, but in the most precarious environment of all: the men’s public restroom. Drawing on his experience as a U.S. Marine, police officer, and clinical specialist, Zac Gruetzner has codified the unwritten laws of bathroom civility into one essential, tactical field manual aimed at neutralizing bathroom awkwardness.
Inside this declassified manual, you will master:
•The N+1 Geometry: Never violate the urinal buffer zone again.
•Gaze Discipline: Know exactly where to look when the ceramic demands your attention.
•The Air-Dryer Contingency: How to secure your exit without biological cross-contamination.
•The Vow of Silence: Why verbal communication at the sink is a breach of national security.
The Porcelain Protocol isn’t just a book of bathroom humor—it’s a guide that equips you with the tactical doctrines needed to survive the porcelain trenches with your dignity intact.
Read the manual. Maintain the standard. Respect the Protocol.
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