In Peter Eggleton’s hilariously wild To Hell and Back, Hell is a former Government department, once managed by the FBI but privatised under the Reagan administration. Satan is the CEO, but his organisation has inherited an unchangeable culture of paperwork, which often encroaches on the time his demons have for torturing damned souls. Thus nowadays he tries to prevent people selling their souls for power and money, but the demand is enormous: the product flies off the shelf.

One group of sinners being boiled in oil in Hell, for all eternity, is dirty old men. After being boiled for a few weeks, they are sent to the Recovery Room for a skin graft, so that they can be boiled again; this treatment is called ‘Satancare’.

One possible candidate, not yet dead, is the jewelry magnate Wilbur Smith…