An Interview with Jeanne Mahoney

Jeanne Mahoney, a retired therapist, moved to Bellingham at the end of 2021 and found herself looking out at the Twin Sisters. A surviving twin for fifty years this December, she is writing her first book, a memoir about rediscovering herself and the beauty in grief after losing her twin, Lynne.

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What inspired you to start writing this book?

What inspired me to write my story was closing a big chapter in my life and moving across the country from the Gulf Coast of Florida to Bellingham, WA. My mom died in 2018 at 94. We fixed up our house to put on the market, COVID hit, and we waited. We have family in Bellingham and had been there for visits. Both of us fell in love immediately! Bellingham nourishes my mind, body, and soul. There are mountains, lakes, and the ocean, and it is alive with creative energy. In Fairhaven, a little community in Bellingham, there is a great bookstore, Village Books, where they have a lot of writing groups and activities. I’ve always loved to write. Writing got me through college and graduate school! So, I started going to some of the groups and just loved it.

I’m another one of those people who will tell you, “I have heard it all my life – ‘you just have to write a book. You should write a book!’” Losing a twin is especially isolating. It was frightening. I had no one to talk to when Lynne died, and I have wondered over the years about other twins suffering from the same loss? How do they deal with the empty space all around them now? Do they have any one they can talk to that can make them feel that same deep knowing that they have been heard and understood? A twin is a hard act to follow.

During COVID, with all the grief in the air, I was drawn to explore the possibility that there might be a Facebook page for twins who had lost their twin. I looked and there it was. The pain was palpable, and I wanted to gather them all and tell them that they will not feel this awful forever. They would believe it from another twin if they would believe the possibility at all.

I distanced myself from the group because the pain was so heavy. I came away with a keen sense of obligation to share my experience, strength, and hope. A book was not on my list at that time!

Getting to Bellingham, closing the chapter of my parents and family dynamics and Florida opened my world enough to give me room to draft this story. It’s my story and it’s one I needed to write. Not only for myself, but for other twins, and anyone else struggling with an overpowering grief.

And so, I am writing my first book. A memoir about surviving twin loss and discovering the beauty in grief. Meet Me at the Ferris Wheel.

Tell us the story of your book’s current title. Was it easy to find, or did it take forever?

I won’t lie! At first, I had fun toying with all sorts of “clever” ideas, which I won’t run by you! I knew the right one would appear in time, and it did shortly after I began my first draft. I was walking on one of my favorite trails in Fairhaven after writing for a while, letting it all sift and settle. I was pondering on just what it was about Lynne and me, our special brand of twin bond. I thought about how we always enjoyed talking about how lucky we were to be twins, even when we were as young as 3. Of course, we talked about it in terms right for our ages, getting more sophisticated with time. We were young when we realized we could meet in our dreams. It was fun for us to share our dreams in the morning when we woke up, and one morning we realized we’d had the same dream. Each one of us had dreamt about a fair. That night before going to sleep, we decided we should meet in our dream, by the ferris wheel. Imagine the glee and laughter when we woke up after meeting at the ferris wheel as we slept! Our dream now forever. When I wrote that scene, I knew I’d found my title. It just epitomizes all the magical energy of our twin bond! I also love the symbolism of the circle because in Jeanne’s journey, she does come full circle and now thrives on her spiritual connection with Lynne. She returns to the gravesite she vowed never to return to 43 years earlier at the funeral, to put some of their mom’s ashes in the earth right next to Lynne’s headstone. Jeanne is happy and whole and at peace with the physical loss of her soulmate, feeling deeply connected in spirit. We will meet at the Ferris wheel again.

Describe your dream book cover.

WOW! My dream book cover?! Well, any book cover at this point is a thrill to think about! But if I have one at this stage, I would like a collage of photos of me and Lynne through the years, with maybe a photo of my family, and then a photo of me putting some of Mom’s ashes in the earth next to Lynne’s headstone. That was the first and only time I ever went back to her gravesite, 43 years later.

If your book had a soundtrack, what are some songs that would be on it?

That’s a fun thing to think about! I haven’t thought about that. suppose it would be laced with great songs of the hippie era, and a few surprises or two. I must admit, though, I have wondered who would play me and who would play Lynne if my book ever made it that far!

What books are you reading (for research or comfort) as you continue the writing process?

Right now I’m taken with WILD by Cheryl Strayed. There are some similarities with her arc and mine, and it’s both interesting and comforting at the same time. Noticing some of the similarities gives me space to step back and be just a wee bit more subjective, and I can be more analytical. I’m currently considering different forms that resonate with me and my story, and a little distance makes it easier to stay in my “craft” mindset. Before WILD, I read You Can Make This Place Beautiful, by Maggie Smith. I’ve just started UNTAMED by Glennon Doyle.

What other professions have you worked in? What’s something about you that your readers wouldn’t know?

I am a retired therapist. For ten years I worked with angry teens and their families who were court-ordered to treatment, and two years in Family Intervention/Preservation. A move from Oakland, CA, to Bradenton, FL, put me right back working with teens in a treatment facility. The last ten years wearing my therapist hat had me working as the clinical supervisor and head therapist for Sarasota Drug Court in FL.

Before getting my MA, I worked in odd jobs, but mostly with young children. I was a head teacher at an Infant-Toddler program in Oakland when I decided to go to graduate school. I graduated from the ChildLife program and was thrilled when I was asked to fill for the Director of the adolescent ChildLife program at Oakland Children’s Hospital for six months after graduation.

After retiring, I was a nanny for 4 years.

Who/what made you want to write? Was there a particular person, or particular writers/works/art forms that influenced you?

I’m a communicator. I love people. They fascinate me. I fascinate me. Not in a narcissistic way, with a capital N, but as an observer of human behavior. It comes with my being a twin. I was born with a drive to write. I discovered I could draw and paint when I was 9. I loved stories and to “paint” pictures with words when I write. Words fascinate me, and interpersonal communication fascinates me. I am a true believer in the importance of stories. Both telling of them and the listening. They are connectors. Most mental health therapists deal with the power of telling one’s story constantly! The telling of their stories is the first step of healing for many, if not all, of my clients! I have heard some amazing stories I grew up on stories. Stories of ancestors, like Grammy Button Eyes, and Bill Sewell. They came alive for me and I loved them. Stories of days gone by that I could only experience through those stories.

My dad collected interesting friends, many of them writers. I observed them over the years and loved that they had written books and screenplays! They were making a living by writing! And the thought of words being so powerful intrigued me. Words and stories reaching so many people. They were touching so many lives. I secretly wanted to be one of them.

And so now I write my story. It needs telling. By me. For you.

Where is your favorite place to write?

My favorite place to write is at my kitchen counter, looking out over the long white marble eating bar. It’s the space right after the sink that goes all the way down to the wall, for maybe four feel. Colorful flowers and plants spread across the bar. A candle on a cheap white molded porcelain Buddha head is next to my bright yellow cup of pens. Three large brass I Ching coins are lying in front of my pen cup. There is a small stone with an etching of a sphinx with one head of a man and another of a lion on the body of a lion. I look out the window lined with many plants to see a protected marsh. On the surface, the marsh appears green and serene. Not much going on. Watch for a while, and all sorts of business is happening. Watching it centers me and helps me catch my next line. I begin my day with lighting that candle on that cheap white molded porcelain Buddha head.

What advice would you give your past self at the start of your writing journey?

I would tell my younger self that she needs to hold tight while letting go, don’t give up and keep an open mind and an open heart. And most importantly, listen to your inner voice. There will be many louder voices commanding your attention, but in the end it will be the quieter, but stronger voice that you will honor. Be your brave self and just pay attention to what’s happening within. Pace yourself, and most of all, enjoy the process.

What’s one thing you hope sticks with readers after they finish your book?

Mt twin readers will hopefully come away from my story knowing that they will not be suffering forever. That there is beauty in grief, and that is what will stay with them in the end. Hopefully knowing that will help them through the darkest part of their loss. And that “Once a twin, always a twin.”

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Are you a writer, too? Submit your manuscript to Atmosphere Press.