An Interview with Mari Miller

Mari, pronounced Mary, Miller is a retired oral communication educator of thirty-three years, having taught at private and public high schools and at the collegiate level. She has been a speech coach and drama director and presented at communication, education, and technology conferences across the country. She now divides her time between Iowa and South Dakota. Read more about her and her other published works at marimillerwrites.com. If you’d like to read more of her Mourning Glories blog dedicated to her mother, go to mourningglories-mari.blogspot.com. You can also hear some of the background for this book from the author’s and her daughters’ own voices by going to archive.storycorps.org.

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Tell us the story of your book’s title. Was it easy to find, or did it take forever?

For a brief period, I had a working title of All Things to End are Made, but after I survived each medical trauma, people would tell me, “Well, that which doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” I always hated these words, partly because I feared failing, but also because it seemed ridiculous to think that just because we’d survived a trauma, we’d naturally become stronger as a result. Let’s just add a shit-ton more pressure after you’ve just faced something traumatic. I imagined a reporter sticking a microphone in my face after I’d just run a life-altering marathon, “You just survived a brain aneurysm. Do you feel stronger?” Ultimately, despite my distaste for Nietzsche’s quote, I knew it described perfectly what five generations of women in my family had endured.

How did it feel when you first saw your book cover? Or when you first held your book in your hands?

The art department at Atmosphere did an amazing job with taking my vision and making it a reality. I sent them the photographs I wanted of my great-grandmother, grandmother, and mother.

Who/what made you want to write? Was there a particular person, or particular writers/works/art forms that influenced you?

Both my daughters are clinical mental health therapists who are well-versed in trauma research. Reading some of their graduate school required readings by Mark Wolyn, Bessel Van der Kolk, and Galit Atlas helped me understand what my matrilineal line had been facing for five generations. Reading their work with epigenetics and legacy trauma convinced me that I needed to write my family’s stories as a memoir rather than a novel or a play. It wasn’t a big leap since I love reading memoirs and learning about others’ lives. It felt natural to write my book as non-fiction to incorporate the stories of my ancestors, myself, and my children.

What other professions have you worked in? What’s something about you that your readers wouldn’t know?

As I mentioned in my bio, I was an educator for thirty-three years, teaching speech, literature, writing, and theatre. Before that, I was an accounts receivable clerk at a music store in Austin, Texas, where I also worked as a receptionist at various places. I interned in both radio and television, hoping to one day be a broadcast journalist. Alas, I didn’t have the stomach for only reporting tragedies and problems. Regardless of what job or profession I’ve had, playing piano has always been a way for me to make extra money.

What was the most rewarding/meaningful part of publishing your book?

Sharing the traumas of five generations of the women in my family to ensure that the legacy of trauma isn’t passed on to my granddaughters. I read somewhere that we’re only remembered for three generations. I wanted to make sure that’s not the case with my family, and I love when people tell me how they relate to my stories and are inspired to either write them down or talk with family about them. I enjoy listening to people’s stories about their family traumas because it’s a thread that runs through all our lives.

If your book had a soundtrack, what are some songs that would be on it?

I’m Still Standing by Elton John and Stronger by Kelly Clarkson.

What is one thing you hope readers take away from reading your book? How do you envision your perfect reader?

I want readers to know that it’s possible to survive generational trauma. It won’t be easy, but it will be worth breaking the legacy of trauma. I want them to know that cancer or tuberculosis or Crohn’s or polio or ADHD aren’t a death sentence. They’re life sentences, yes, but it’s possible to survive them and continue to thrive. Initially, I thought my book would speak primarily to middle-aged women, but I’m finding that younger men and women are touched by it too. Health issues don’t target a particular demographic, so I’m finding it speaks to anyone.

What creative projects are you currently working on?

I spend some of my time in northwest Iowa at the site of what unfortunately has been labeled by white people as the Spirit Lake Massacre of 1857. My research, however, has revealed that the Dakotah refer to this as The Big Killings. These killings took place almost ten years after Iowa became a state, showing how relations between settlers and indigenous people were still very tense. I’m hoping to present a more accurate view of this time and all the players involved, not just a few.

How was working with Atmosphere Press? What would you tell other writers who want to publish?

The editor and art departments were the best part of my experience as they thoroughly listened and guided to a finished product I’m proud of. Since the book’s release, the distribution and social media people have been very cooperative.

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