An Interview with Annelie Rehnqvist

Born in Sweden in 1996 to a family with eight siblings, writing and art have always been huge parts of my life.

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Who/what made you want to write? Was there a particular person, or particular writers/works/art forms that influenced you?

Growing up with autism and severe anxiety, I’ve used storytelling as a coping mechanism since I was a small child. Overwhelmed by an overloaded sensory input, and isolated due to poor social skills, with neither adults nor other children being able to understand me. It was one of my little sisters whom my mother and the adults had to ask to translate for me, as we were very close. Otherwise, my pastime became making up stories and daydreaming to pass the time or trying to make sense of people, but also to deal with a crippling anxiety that forced compulsive behaviour onto me.

From kindergarten, all the way up to middle school, I had a kind imaginary friend that I played with, inspired by one of my older sister’s Barbie dolls that I found absolutely beautiful. I named her Star and she was a literal knight in shining armour for me, going to battle in chain mail like in The Lord of the Rings and fighting skeleton soldiers from the dark side.

Her persona is what I used to treat the severe anxiety and compulsions that forced me to do stuff to make sure nothing bad “happened,” similar to OCD. So, I gave the painful anxiety a persona too; a figurative form, so that when it tormented me, I could send Star to beat him up. As I child, I understood I was weird for these intricate imaginary worlds, but as an adult, I also acknowledge that I did what I had to do to manage a mental illness.

I did outgrow Star with time, partly, but unknowingly, thanks to my dad, who taught me a trick to deal with that severe form of anxiety and compulsion. That a thought is just a thought, and just like sitting on a park bench watching people pass by, so too could I acknowledge the compulsion but not react to it. Not panic at the thought, feeding it, but simply remain neutral about it as it passed me by.

I was getting older and was given names and tools for my conditions, but stories were still my way of making sense of and exploring the world.

What inspired you to start writing this book?

My doctor at the psychiatric clinic. She helped me get proper medication for my anxiety and the overbearing voice that screamed at me.

Now, as an adult in my late twenties, I had sought out help through the clinic as I once again had started fighting with that anxiety that felt like a voice that wasn’t coming from me. Something I could not reason with.

To explain it, I dug up that part of my childhood I’d carefully sealed the lid on, hoping that I would never have to deal with it again and could just forget, which now proved impossible with recent flare ups. Both the doctor and my mother learned my whole history, even my mother having only heard snippets before this.

We came to the conclusion that the “voice” wasn’t an hallucination, but simply the effect of an overworked brain that misfired.

But the doctor didn’t end it by simply prescribing medication, she asked me, “Why don’t you write down the stories?”

And I, dumfounded, was just like, “Can I?”

Tell us the story of your book’s title. Was it easy to find, or did it take forever?

It was relatively easy this time, and I think the title perfectly encapsulates one of the story’s main themes, about becoming human and wanting a family.

If your book had a soundtrack, what are some songs that would be on it?

Probably some ambient gaming soundtrack as we move through a desolate landscape. Thinking of how “Death Stranding” used music during the main characters trekking across the map, making up most of the game.

What other professions have you worked in? What’s something about you that your readers wouldn’t know?

Due to my handicap, I can’t hold a traditional job but aside from writing, I also draw and paint and hope that even that I can expand into a profession.

What books did you read (for research or comfort) throughout your writing process?

I searched for books, either fact or fiction, on the theme of steampunk. Boneshaker, Perdido Street Station, The Real World of Victorian Steampunk, The Machine Anxieties of Steampunk, etc.

What advice would you give your past self at the start of your writing journey?

Do it the way you did. Forget about having a formal writing education (aside from primary school), and not understanding basic plot structures and whatnot, just write. You’re going naked into the ocean, sure, but the point is to just get it all out on paper. Polishing and all that fancywork comes later by hiring an editor or asking for critique online.

What’s one thing you hope sticks with readers after they finish your book?

Not to fear pain. That eternal paradise is stagnant by nature, like standing water only becoming musty. You must have the lows to feel the highs.

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Are you a writer, too? Submit your manuscript to Atmosphere Press.